Soul Searching

The time is beckoning

For some soul reckoning

And so I’m sitting here

Groping, hoping, and (maybe moping?)

For some shedded light to appear

My words are fumbling

My thoughts-jumbling

My hands support my head

As I write, nail bite, for some insight

But am confused instead

My mind is brewing,

What am really I doing?

With my life, with my days

Prioritizing? Compromising? (Analyzing?)

Going in the right ways?

Others may keep busy

With paces so dizzy

Though it might seem to me

As acting, distracting (not reacting)

No time to think; to be.

But I am linking

My life to some thinking

And before my eyes

Unfurling, yet swirling, twirling

Don’t know where my destiny lies.

Memories

Those days have passed

They didn’t last

Of spending time together

Back in the day

We thought it would stay

Be part of us forever

We were as a whole

Reaching towards a goal

Hoping to go far

The times we have shared

Laughed, talked and cared

Made us who we are

Now images of the mind

Memories of all kind

All stored inside us

Though physically apart

These feelings of the heart

Are what still unites us

RE: lation ships

On sunny seas, it is a breeze

To sail gently and with ease

The air is light, the day is bright

Direction is clear, as you please.

When there isn’t hailing its smooth sailing

A straight course without flailing

Relaxing afforded, when boarded

Can arrive without failing

What a wonder, in time of thunder

How easy it is to blunder

What does it take, for the trip to make

And not be torn asunder?

Dishes Wishes

I feel that twitching

Of my fingers itching

To write something good

I could hear my dishes

And laundry; it wishes

I do as I should

But for once (a'right twice)

I t would feel so nice

Just to sit and stay

And make believe

That I am relieved

From my duties today.

Is it too much to ask

Absolved from my task

For, well, just because?

Can there be some break 

Which I can take

From reality and its' laws?

Well, as I sit hear and reckon

The dishes still beckon

No rest for the weary

My laundry don't care

(We need what to wear) 

Regardless the theory.

Hmmm…

I still feel that twitching....

The Caring Theory

I have this theory

That times I am wary

Of people who care,

When they are being nice

And have good advice

That they're willing to share.

Is it something genuine?

Or are they being a heroine?

The motive’s not clear,

I think that I know

The intention will show

Eventually, it will appear.

They say it for my good

And really it could

Yet do I feel myself fear?

If I feel the need

Their words to heed

To do exactly as I hear,

Will they take it as rejection

If I don't use the suggestion

Making it my burden to bear?

Or can they understand

That they can't really understand

...Is that the true meaning of care?

If Only

I could change 

And rearrange

My life, tho' I admit

It would sound strange

That the meaning of words

Will be opposite than heard

All in my control

Without it being absurd

Like

Slow times will pass

     Good times will last

            Difficult people dealings

                Won't lead to bad feelings

            The end will be right when I begin

                And fat would be thin.

          Tired would be awake

     Give instead of take

And to just switch around

   Up, instead of down

If only, 

If only, 

        Up, instead of down.

Unmasked

I wonder what would be

If when you would ask,

"Hi, how are you?"

And I'd take off my mask.

If I'm happy I would share

But also if I'm sad

My voice would reflect

My feelings, good or bad.

When asked how I'm feeling

I have to look at you and see

Can you handle the truth?

Or am I forced to be happy?

I'm starting to get confused

What I'm saying to who

I feel I'm living a lie

'Cause that's what I gotta do.

I'm thinking if the day will come

That I'll take off my mask

And I'm sorta wondering

Will you regret you've asked?

Bothersome

Something is bothering me

What-that I don’t know

Trying to formulate in words

But they just won’t flow…

                           

The feeling is deep

Disturbing my sleep

Souring my mood

Attracting me to food

Losing interest of fun

Or getting work done

Oh what a bore

Everything’s a chore

Feels like it’s gonna rain

Just want to complain

Enjoyment is gone

Could go on and on.

Sigh, I will stay with this sorrow

Until it turns tomorrow

Novocain

The dentist gave me Novocain Before he drilled to numb the pain. Why all the hurt?  if it could be prevented Blessed be the one who invented. And Then I came home  started to eat But wasn’t able to tell if  'twas tart or sweet. Couldn't taste the food and so instead Chewed my lip until it bled. There are  problems that are very real Which can happen if you cannot feel.

I decided to use Novacain On my heart to numb the pain Why be hurt? it could be prevented From being degraded and feeling all dented But Being loved, cherished just wouldn’t stay Feeling care or concern went the other way To protect my inner self in a time of need I didn’t even know that a heart could bleed There are some issues which are very real That stay unresolved when you cannot feel.

Metaphors

On thin ice that can crack

Or blindfolded; hands behind back

A loose tooth used for chewing

Without a coat in a storm brewing

A kayak in stormy rivers

Teeth clatter, stomach quivers

Walking down steps, ice covered

Attempting to keep a fire smothered

Balancing on three inch heels...

Is the way Trusting feels.

Hidden

I keep my feelings hidden

Under the cover of my mask

With the smile on my face 

You wouldn't even think to ask

I keep my feelings hidden

Because they are meaningful to me

I don't know if you will care for them 

The way it's meant to be

I keep my feelings hidden

So they are safe and secure

I know that this way

They will be protected for sure

If I would allow my feelings

To be honest and open

Will you treat them with respect

Or will they be broken?

Will you laugh them away?

Or dismiss them with your hand,

Brush them off like an annoying fly, 

Show you don't understand?

My feelings are so fragile

And need to be handled with care

And I don't know what you will do

So they are staying inside here.

So I keep my feelings hidden

Scared to be discussed

For though to share may bring relief

Don't know if I could trust. 

Warning! Blocked Feelings Ahead

State of bliss

Or

Sinking abyss,

Loneliness

Or

Happiness.

Boldness-

Coldness,

Numbness-

Oldness.

Are your options

More or less,

When filled with

Nothingness

How are you feeling today?

Well

A little bit of ....

Agitation

Blues

Concern

Disappointment

Edginess

Freakiness

Grief

Happiness...? (well, yeh, maybe a little)

Intenseness (oh sure! a lot)

Jumpy

Kind (kinda)

Longing

Misunderstood

Nervous

Opinionated (more or less)

Passionate

Quiet  (... nah)

Restless

Silenced

Tiredness

Underpaidness

Vexation 

Worry

Xactly!... basically anyway

Y-

Zank you for asking!